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Praying and not receiving the outcome I had hoped for is one of the most discouraging things for me. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed for healing in someone's back, knee, neck, or shoulder only to find that it felt no better or even got worse. This feeling of discouragement led me down a path of seeking truth, wisdom, and guidance about my prayer life.
At the end of 2019, I asked God for a deeper relationship. I wanted to be His prayer warrior, mature in my faith walk, and to be closer to Him. Over the next 2 years, God took me down a path I never saw coming. God showed me that I was trying to manipulate Him into being on my page. I wanted Him to follow my agenda. And that’s a problem...I know God created me for so much more.
I want to be HIS prayer warrior; not my own prayer warrior.
I will say that I am still on this journey, growing and learning to be yielded completely to God. I don’t have all the answers but what I do have is what I’ve learned so far...
The Bible is riddled with miracles, signs, and wonders. Jarrod and I have been so blessed to be able to witness miracles in our own lives and in the lives of people we know.
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While we've seen countless miracles, there is another side to the story. We've also prayed fervently and have not seen breakthrough in other situations. We don't always see instantaneous miracles. Sometimes what we see on this side of reality is not what we had hoped for. But does that mean that what we did see wasn't a miracle in and of itself? Maybe there's a side that we don't see because we don't have the full picture.
Jarrod and I both got really sick this summer with Covid. We have seen so many miraculous healing in physical health that we were pretty sure we could pray and sickness would disappear from our bodies. When it didn't suddenly disappear, my reality was shaken. The illness didn't go away instantly like I'd hoped. We did have to walk through the storm and suffer a little BUT God was with us the whole time. I have severe asthma - I take a preventative inhaler every day - so when I got sick, I was pretty sure it was going to be a rough go. I didn't doubt that God would be with me but I was concerned about what I would have to walk through. Even though I didn't see the instant healing I wanted, I had no trouble breathing (only tightness in my chest for one evening) and my oxygen levels stayed above 95 the whole time. Our healing took time but in it, we learned so much about what God has been trying to show us. I believe my experience was a miracle and I am thankful for the healing I received. I believe I did get the miracle I was asking for...I just didn't know it would look different than the image in my mind.
I think through the craziness of all our current events that
God is trying to teach us to be totally reliant on Him and to stop bullying Him into OUR idea of Holiness.
I want to be on His page and I don't want to take for granted what He has done and is doing in my life.
Every single day is a miracle. Every good thing is a sign. Every perfect gift is a wonder.
I just need the eyes to see it. So, I'm asking not only for miracles in finances, health, relationships, and life but to also see His plan in everything we walk through.
I also hope that there are believers out there like me that are walking this out and that you know you are not alone. I hope if you're struggling that you feel encouraged and inspired by what God is communicating. My prayer for you is that you come to know the Father more intimately, that He illuminates your mind to what He wants, and that you have the courage to do it.
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