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We celebrated 11 years of marriage in December and we made a list of some tips that have been beneficial in our marriage. If these things are done daily with love in your heart, you will be closer as a couple to each other and to God. Most of these list items are centered on being intentional about pursuing God and pursuing each other every single day.
1. Pray for your spouse.
Send up a little prayer for your spouse every day! Pray a generic prayer, pray specifically for encounters with God, pray for growth, pray for breakthrough. Spending time with Jesus, talking about your spouse and what he/she needs will center your focus on what God wants. Being a silent supporter of your spouse is one of the greatest things your can do to strengthen your marriage while getting closer to God.
2. Pray with each other.
Set up a little bit of time every day to pray together. Pray for a meal, pray for each other, pray for your kids, or pray for your day. No matter what you're praying for, as long as you're seeking God together as a team, you'll be getting closer to God while getting closer to each other.
3. LISTEN.
Being a better listener has been a big goal of mine this year. Make sure you're not just waiting for your spouse to finish talking before you can prove your point. LISTEN to what your spouse is saying, pray about what God wants you to say, and respond in love.
4. Fully express yourself.
Expressing yourself can be really difficult for some people. If you were trained to stuff your feelings or rationalize your way out of emotions, expressing yourself can seem impossible. If you feel emotions welling up, pray about what's bothering you and express those feelings to your spouse. Your spouse will never know if something is wrong (or right) if you don't tell them. Contrary to popular belief, your spouse can't always read your mind. Be clear about what you want, be open about your needs, and LISTEN to each other.
5. Talk about your day.
I really look forward to talking about my day with my husband. We spend most of the day apart, so when we get home, we like to sit and talk about the highs and lows. If you go a day without sharing updates, important events can get forgotten and your spouse might unintentionally be left out of the loop. When something emotionally significant happens, we like to share that with each other so we can walk through those situations with each other and bring it before God in prayer or thanksgiving.
6. Do something kind for your spouse.
This can be so fun and you can really get creative when you do something kind for your spouse. Find out what is important to your spouse and do something kind that will show you care and that you're thinking about him/her. It might be as small as a sweet text message, a thoughtful gift, or a kind act of service but those small things go a long way when it's done every day.
7. Affection.
Show affection every day! Hold hands, hug, kiss, snuggle, or cuddle! Physical affection is so important to maintaining connection with your spouse.
8. Talk positively about your spouse to others.
Never ever ever talk bad about your spouse to people for the sake of venting. There's a difference between sharing struggles with friends you know will guide you in prayer and love and just bad-mouthing your spouse to anyone who will listen. If you're having problems, go to someone you know will prayfully guide you back to your spouse and remind you of all the positive things you've shared on a regular basis. If there's anyone you should support regularly and speak highly of, it's your spouse. It's ok to talk to someone when you are going through a hard time but don't forget to share all the things you love and admire, too.
9. Carve out quality time for each other.
If you're like us, you lead extremely busy lives. Regardless of your schedule, set time aside to JUST BE with your spouse. When we have to be somewhere early, we will set our alarm 10 minutes earlier than needed just so we can make coffee and sit together to discuss our day before we start. We love coffee mornings, evening walks, lunch breaks, or coffee dates to have quality time together. If those things are not possible, set up a date night. Date night with just the two of you gives y'all a chance to be romantic, adventurous, or relaxed while remembering how much fun you have together. It's easy to lose yourself in the day to day chaos, but date night has a way of re-centering your relationship and reminding you of why you fell in love.
10. FIGHT for resolution.
We all fight; we all have disagreements. Your best fight is to fight for resolution. Fight for resolution to conflict as passionately as your fight to win your battle. Invite Jesus into the battle and let him show you the solution that satisfies both parties. There's nothing like Jesus showing you how to resolve conflict and see your spouse's perspective.
11. Stay open to intimacy.
Be open to intimacy every day. It's not that you have to be actually intimate every day, it's just that you should be open to it. I hate hearing about women who punish their husband by withholding intimacy. Withholding intimacy as a form of punishment leads to division and bitterness that is just unhealthy for your relationship. Focus less on punishing your spouse and more on resolving conflict with prayer and compassion for one another. When differences are resolved, intimacy is a natural way to create unity and oneness in your marriage.
We hope these tips allow you to become closer together and closer to God. You can't go wrong with God at the center and as the guide in your relationship. Every relationship is unique and has its own struggles, but God's love can heal all wounds and create unity every day.
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